Never before in my life have I felt so isolated, separated, uninspired or unwilling.
My friend and I were discussing something late last night on my IM, and that something was the fact that we feel left behind, as all our friends have so ceremoniously gone off to school already, giving us, now, about 3 weeks to wait until our lives can kick in. It is truly a test of patience, but it is an unfair expectation to ask of someone, especially people as unruly (well maybe not so much unruly as anxious to begin) as her and myself. We long to do, to learn, to experience, to engage; we seek to make friends, find ourselves, and become independent, and not just independent of our parents. Independent from boundaries, which are imposed by overbearing authority figures that standardize and catagorize you into someone they think you should be or, in their opinion, inevitably will be.
But all that shall have to wait. As my friend said, I can't help but feeling that I'm behind the curve, as if I'm a regular Joe Policeman just arriving to the scene of a crime when already the FBI and any other imaginable law enforcement have built a case and running leads on suspects. I'm green with envy and jealousy. Friends have gone off and started new, possibly improved, lives, and we are left here, contemplating how the agony of the wait continues to push. Maybe its just that innate human tendency to belong and live among others like oneself. Or maybe we're just lonely.
Either way, I just don't know what to do with myself.
"I'm stuck in a square, becoming one too/three stories above I hear there's a view/Long way to the ground/But i'll probably stick around"
-'Restart' by Ozma
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