(I Can't Do) What You Want

Sitting in a parking lot
so I can offer blood
now's the moment of truth...
but I can't do what you want me to do

I'm trying to be strong enough
I know that I am not the one you love
this is such a treacherous way to be new...
but I can't do what you want me to do

Damaged goods like a hardbound book
never read again and left again
Welcome to this England New
easily one thousand miles from what you drew

Tell the sirens I'll be fine
I'll recover in due time
You've taken half of every thing I ever knew...
but I can't do what you want me to do
no, I can't do what you want me to do

Damaged goods like a hardbound book
never read again and left again

09 / 24 / 09 - Everything looks perfect from far away

This blog is pointless. Don't read it.

I've had a Ben Gibbard song, "Such Great Heights," stuck in my head as of late. The song is actually an cover of Iron and Wine's acoustic cover of The Postal Service's original electronic rendition of the song, and which ever version you listen to I can't help but feel entranced and overwhelmed by the beauty in simplicity. I guess I've come to love musicians who share a mastery of such a stripped-down form of expression, acoustic guitar, and yet they can evoke such soulfulness in each fleeting melody and harmony with nothing but voice and string.

Anyway, it's the chorus that has really gotten to me, stuck thoroughly in my mind's ear. It goes:

"They will see us waving from such great heights / come down now, they'll say / Everything looks perfect from far away / come down now, but we'll stay..."

Now, the simplicity seems straightforward, and if you know Ben's writing it's all either very esoteric or otherwise quite clear and vivid. Naturally, one would think that the chorus says exactly what it should, and I suppose, in the context of the relatively uplifting song, it does: positive imagery of two co-eds on top of some grandiose natural or man-made monument, looking down upon people and realizing perfection in the bigger picture or the oneness in everything, comes to mind, at least for me. It's (subjectively) clear that, upon first listen, the lyric evokes a sense of positive complacency, almost as if the two have reached their peak and could not possibly get any lower, either physically or psychologically. Reaching a higher plane in this case is a good thing.

But what if it's a trick? What if you could see it another way? Upon multiple listenings and self-reflection, is there another way to see it when you consider just the chorus? What if the two reached said plane, and were instead observant of how disappointing it was to deal with things in detail? What if the two are people of power who look over those below them, screaming at the powerful to come down and join their plight, only to have the two deny them for luxury of being complacent with their heights?

It could be a statement about people, about how, though we strive for perfection or wants things in our lives (and our lives themselves, for that matter) to be perfect, we don't want to "come down" from our heights because, once up there, we cannot see clearly enough the dirt and grime, the rust of our very core. This rust, of course, is the fact that things we wanted and hoped for didn't quite turn out how we wanted it to, so we strive to rid of it or completely ignore it. Or is it that we are not altogether familiar with the minutiae of our lives, because we instead would rather live in ignorance and bliss? In this way the plane still represents complacency, but it is a bitter, pessimistic view of the heights, of our lives as we choose to know it. It is a proponent of the idea, or joke rather, that the only way to make God laugh is to make a plan. In this way, one should just live and turn a blind eye to our troubles.

I guess I'm asking, are we really so naive to think that our lives can be perfect? Difficulties are inevitable in the extreme, but is it really prudent, or even possible, to mold perfection out of fallible material?

Or, on the other hand, why do we justify being complacent with the things wrong in our lives or the unjust things that we encounter every day? Why must we see the problems in others but do nothing, either because we absolutely cannot or don't want to?

A stand must be taken.

I guess.

This blog is pointless. I hope you didn't read it.

Original Song Demo - "No Privacy"

Download a free track here. ***scroll down to the page bottom for the link; you have to wait about 20 seconds then click the Download button, then a window should pop up for the file***

I need your lips
compromising for your fingertips

No privacy
we can never find a place to be

The lawn is packed
I'm nearly coming through the front to back

But it's not a big
in my arms you'll find a place to live

I need your love
got a feeling that it's all I want

Lets find a tree
so we can find our own place to be

becoming
forgetting
forgiving
unwittingly
destroying
denying
our worries
will float away

Lets find a tree
so we can find our own place to be

I need your lips
when no one's looking it's okay to kiss

Love has its price

09 / 06 / 09 - Writing on the Prowl

This covers today and yesterday:

I've been writing a lot on the prowl, though I keep forgetting my pocket notebook. As a result a lot of self-texting to my phone has commenced, though to great avail. Ideas range from lyrics and riffs to entire verses and whole song concepts, one in particular being

"I'm tired of adopting generations before my own / they have to paperclip the mannequins accordingly so it fits / my shoes are no longer symmetrical / it's like living in a color scheme where hues and saturations scream to be."

I found music to go along with it later on yesterday, so I recorded and left it for further dev down the road, possibly tomorrow? And by the way, today, Sunday, was a no-go since mum had her birthday, so I'll leave it for now.

To tell the truth, I get the feeling that Death Cab is influencing me more than ever. I don't know, just the way that Ben Gibbard does his vocals, the way he writes, it just feels so vivid, though still human and passionate, yet controlled within a melody so calculated that it seems like nothing else could ever done better. That kind of attention to minutiae, in terms of the feelings evoked from the music and the music itself, is, I suppose, what I'd like to aspire to when I write. To feel, and make feel; to see, and make one see; to hear, but for the one moment your soul could catch fire and send a shiver down your spine so euphoric, so frightening, that it takes you out of your body and into the aether that is the music.

That is my goal.

Anyway, half-update/half-ramble done. More later on, see you on the other side of the night.

M

Sitting in Trees

All you girls in all your cities
would you tell me something about sitting in trees
with boys that love you but you don't love back
it says so on all of your magazine racks

and it takes so much as another boy coming
one that he knows has a better life coming
than I ever did, have, or will that's a promise
and bring me into night, so I'll forget all of this

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All of these feelings onto me like your shrink
I stand so close to you I fear for the brink
She says that she'll call and she'll write sometime soon
But I know her better, she'll stay and she'll swoon

all without you and within you, whatever the day
You're there when she needs you but friends are both ways
I feel like i need to get paid for my services
just bring me into night, so I'll forget all of this

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I get to your house and you're slurrin' your speech
and thousands and thousands will ask us to leave
i'll stay home to take care of you while I can
You're flying away, I'll be here when you land

It doesn't mean any less or any more lost
Like traffic on freeways, I need you to stop
there's no question you're good and you're nothing less than heart
but i can't follow you wherever you are

Like Benjamin said, I see you upside down
trouble is calling me down from the crowd
you're a God-fearing girl, but when you kiss
you bring me into night and I forget all of this

Au lit / Problèmes d'intimité

I've gone through these walls
like a ghost in the heights
Under dirty blacklights
that scatter through white

Old floral patterns
become deeper hearts
But still flowers at heart
until they break 'part

His favorite things
left on a night stand
more than he could stand
they always leave badly

I was a break before the rest of your life.
You were the adventure before mine would end.

They always leave badly.
For what it's worth,
it was (however fleeting)
wholehearted, unabashed,
all he could have given;
altruistic, selfless, foolish.

Now there is nothing left.

Death Cab Fix

I'm hooked on this atm. Maybe you too?

Don't break his heart

Don't you break his heart again
You will never win
Just keep going on and on
one day is still a sin

Ship has sailed, this love will fail
there's chaos in our thoughts
Flipped on heads and then you're dead
You're just like chasing moths

Drag me to the dividend
of earth then break away
Dance with me around the ash
and let the warmth remain

But hold it close and clutch the underbelly so
I'm going boldly from the place you'll never know
It's certain there's a question if I'm high or low
I'll blame it on way the water rocks the boat

Last Rites

Under your skin,
there is nothing
but the bones you'll break
All around
out in the aether
you are one with fate

Overcoat
open or closed
Is it cold, my dear?
Underworn,
this world is bigger
than you think it be.

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I am losing my own mind to the devils of the times
when all I'd ever do was right
It's something of a rush to see the imperfections
in yourself and wonder why
today will never die, until the lights of break
do shake the dark to morrow

I am behind
everybody
that's ever left me
Exit home
saving a part
of all the ones you see

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In the second
you will live
for him and only him
Every one
thereafter, life
will slowly slide to death.