wine glass charades

[voice one]
and the wine glass charades are over
now sleep's befallen all of our close friends
it's only just us two and the moonlight
(this will be the song we play until the end)

'cause we're coming to a finish much too early
we've only just begun to break the surface in
so let's start an exploration of each other
(this will be the song we play until the end)

and its bad news for being so forgiving
but its worse to think you're not of clearer mind
'cause it's only just the two of us and the moonlight
(this will be the song we play until the end)

[Voice 2]
I've a feeling that glass is much too empty
but we've drunk the bottle dry and much too thin
it's clear the candles leave more to imagination
(this will be the song we play until the end)

Why don't we learn how our bodies work in tandem
tangled clumsily, embrace to which we bend
silently we pretend as if we're acting
(this will be the song we play until the end)

and it's bad news to love you without knowing
but it's worse to think you're just as ill-informed
'cause it's only just the two of us and the moonlight
(this will be the song we play until the end)

and it's bad news to see another side of you
but it's worse; it's always been before my eyes
I don't want to be alone under the moonlight
(this will be the song we play until the end)

this attraction gives me certain inclinations
and we're coming to the close of all we knew
if that's the case no one else is better-suited
(this will be the song we play until the end)

there's a hurting in your heart, ever-constant,
rest-assured, I won't contribute more to it
as we realize we've come upon a sunrise
this just as much beginning as an end

Done to You

Old floral patterns
become deeper hearts
until they break apart

His favorite things
left on a night stand
he could hardly stand it all

I was a break before the rest of your life
One last adventure before it all ends
I wasn't faking, emotions were true
but years down the line, I'll wonder, what have I done to you?

She sleeps alone
but she doesn't know
I'm already gone

Reaching out for empty air
left an impression
on her bed and her heart

I was a break before the rest of your life
One last mistake, giving more than you take
I wasn't faking, emotions were true
but years down the line, I'll wonder, what have I done to you

We were all so young
time is never done
I am that to you
but you'll be loved soon

becoming
forgetting
forgiving
What have I done to you
Destroying
Denying
our worries
What have I done to you

Eight Seconds

I once had to wait eight seconds
for the poison ingested to register its effects
now its instantaneous, you see
but I go overboard like so many times before
Oh, I never keep the score

I once had to wait eight seconds
for the insult to sink beneath the layers of skin
now its all so facetious to me
but they go overboard, oh but can't you see the scar
Oh, you've gone to fucking far

I once had to wait eight seconds
till my nerves communicated to my brain and then back
there's a pain in my heart that won't leave
but I know there's a cure; there's no truth beneath a lie
Aye, you're running out of time

I once had to wait eight seconds
for the friendship to go south, almost as fast as our love
never thought this could happen to me
but I'm eating my words, now I'm looking for the signs
Aye,

I once had to wait eight seconds
for the rip-cord to respond, unnecessary delay
like a parachute, I'm open wide
but I can't see her now, no, we're both so very far
Oh, won't ever see the scars

Just tonight

No one I know of your persuasion
truth comes out with inebriation
Old confessions will always leave a stain

sun is setting, we're falling with it
heads together, the taste of your kiss
he won't have to know about tonight

Just tonight
It's better that I say
Just tonight
It's better off this way

When I see you, certain elation
from life, you're my...my derivation
it's not easy, this is true and plain

But there's nothing that I can do now
you have something, but I don't know how
it's just me and the routine tonight

(bridge)
Maybe someday, I can find a way to be decent
last I heard I surrendered to my fate
I will light the candle at both ends then spoil
But you could blow it out if only you could leave him behind

Just tonight
It's better that I say
Just tonight
It's better off this way

Just once
I'd like a second chance
Just once
I want someone to dance with me

But it's just tonight
It's better, so I say
Just tonight
It's better off this way

Call me Cain enabled
by the anger in my heart
I guess I'll leave, once again,
to find another love

And here, before you, Ninevah,
fallen down from up above,
cast shadows on broken faith
'til the sun will take you way away from here

I loved you in a time
when it was fashionable to feel
The hills are proving mountains
shout profanities from here

And here, before you, Ninevah,
fallen down from up above,
cast shadow on broken faith
'til the sun will take you way away from here

Oh I didn't mean to take your life
You just pushed me and my pride

Tell me, did you mean to break me down?
Either way you'll stave the constant sound

Out of Eden I go, gonna take myself away
it's too late for us to ever be saved

watershed moment

Watershed moment when I told her there was no chance
a million little pieces would have been better as one
this ain't the same scholar that you met last holiday new year
but darling don't deny it, i was always born to run

you could meet me at the lake and hope that I will be forgiving
but more than likely I will hold a candle up to you
it's just to singe your perfect skin and issue retribution
it doesn't mean a thing to me, and I don't love you too

and it's time to rise above your sinking tides
I'll arise to light and never know what darkness is again

Watershed moment when you don't look back, but forward
maybe you're progressing and the world won't ever change
but you know that that's impossible and we're all slowly fading
and nothing's ever normal, she took half of all you claim

and it's time to rise above your sinking tides
I'll arise to light and never know what darkness is again
and the signs are bright when you flood them in the night
all the roads will try to bring you back to where you don't wanna be
to bring you back to belonging, so it seems

Watershed moment when you're coming to an ending
it's amazing how you find a way to split the differences
like a bridge you burned back when you said there's no such thing as romance
the smoke is in your eyes and now her hands are still in his

and it's time to rise above your sinking tides
I'll arise to light and never know what darkness is again

My Intention

Conform into shapes unlike
all the suns that will radiate their older light

it's complicated, like the carbon pressed
that you wear around your finger, as he did suggest

my regret is that I let him win
I swear, I needed time to figure out to what extent

I could love you and be your eyes
show you how to make this image re-align on me

why should you hurry?
It wasn't my intention to be lingering
What's good in running?
I don't know what do to...
do I chase after you
Or do let you come back?

Synapses in the thalamus
got me fantasizing about this lover's tryst

All that I should say is this
it was product of imagination, that kiss

Why did I rush this?
It wasn't my intention to be so remiss
before you shake this
I don't know what to do
you're pulling me into you

These clothes, do they skin deep
It's been said that my heart is beating underneath

now it seems that you took it quick
you can have it, it's a habit that I'd better kick

This situation
I had never thought that I could be the lonely one
Multiplication
no, I can't keep making when I've lost the one

Barely Love

You know that feeling when you live inside
someone that you cannot recognize
I hate it

The metaphors only hypothesize
but nothing's real as right before your eyes
I'll take it

A moment right before you take a leap
as if your heart is improvising beats
It's alarming

the crowd will cut her with its crooked teeth
but I can't help it given what I see
don't harm me

and so if this is love
I hardly know it
and so if this is love
It's barely true

you share more than a broken glance between
it's said that clothes can never go skin deep
let's prove it

our souls pretend as if they're something clean
the truth is that I've happened, once, to dream
about you
about you and me

and so if this is love
I hardly know it
and so if this is love
It's barely true to me
you've ruined every inch of me
forgotten
and there's only what you've built on top of it

i'll take the best of you and disregard
'cause we are our flaws, just like the stars;
imperfect
and for the record I'm a broken record, talkin' 'bout
love and it's funny cause I don't find it funny
at all

you know that moment when you live inside
a second slivered up a thousand times
you keep it

and it's "Fate! Fate!" that has brought you two
but this predisposition be the death of you
receive it

and so if this is love
I hardly know it
and so if this is love
It's barely true to me
you've ruined every inch of me
forgotten
and there's only what you've left, a scar, a fee

Incomplete thought - revised

When you change your eyes like that
I can’t help but wonder,
what’s wrong with the brown in your irises?
thoughts race and we've come to compliments
still wondering why
you feel the need to put on a mask
those see thru cataracts
can change how you’re seen but now do you really see?

There’s more to this than any fashion
each day you take the elevator
It's just a temporal obsession
by chance I took the elevator

Incomplete thought - revised

When you change your eyes like that
I can’t help but wonder,
what’s wrong with the brown in your irises?
thoughts race and we've come to compliments
still wondering why
you feel the need put on a mask
those see thru cataracts
can change how you’re seen but now do you really see?

There’s more to this than any fashion
each day you take the elevator
It's just a temporal obsession
by chance I took the elevator

1/5 Life

You live and you breathe, and still think you're alive
for nothing's more poignant than braving a sigh
the happy you wear's not the happy you seek; it's a lie

Next day, you'll have toasted to travels and trunks
Your advent'rous side hungers with wanderlust
It's something that's proven, but not with results that you sought

The days and the nights fill themselves with the drinks
and it seems the lady doth protest shethinks
The brink becomes more than idea and fruition's come to

And in your regret you find no more relief
than what you began with, than what you could breathe
it's probably due to the unfortunate self you've deceived

Your location change doesn't alter the truth
of the future that someone had promised to you
not once did the thought cross your mind that what you have accrued is not nearly enough to renew
a cause for oneself that is nobler than thou
but will most likely do for a spot in the crowd
so then live and then breathe in a time that is other than now
before questions like when where and how overwhelm
before you step down for the next to take helm
before your existence is defined at the ring of a bell
it's not war
but it's hell
plead the fifth of your life

Things I want to do

I want to watch my fist go through a wall and never reach the other side,
watch the ripples in the stone, like rubber, undulate like grass in summer wind

I want to steal the skin that, perfect, clings onto your bones as deathly grip
why prolong what’s sure to happen to a beauty in the night on false pretense

I want to watch them writhe as guilt betrays them so the grays would fill the cracks
where black and white could not be met and thieves with golden hair will ‘brace the dying flight

I want to see my lies reveal themselves to all whom I had secrets kept
in hopes that, rearing ghastly heads, they spoke of insolence, egregiousness abhorred

I want to meet the love that never was or is or will be, nothing more
and hold her close and tight only to say but once, “Lenore, I love you nevermore”

Chasing Moths (Dated December 27, 2008)

It was my fault
trying to be unknown,
I’m on my own again.
Keep chasing moths;
they’ll eat away
at your nostalgia for good.

For goodness sake
I hope I won’t unravel, hope that I won’t break
The years of mountains broken in days

It’s in my head
in the back right next to all your treachery
The dear dishonor you laid on me

And so I left,
for a time
you held my desecrated heart
And like a flag
I’ve been captured
and stolen so no one ever could claim

Charlie v. the Frustration (Dated December 17, 2008)

Charlie was sitting on a bench in a park
a park unkempt and broken
by the children who’d grown
by the sun that had shown
it’s teeth to the grass
and burnt the green yellow

Charlie was thinking, on the bench, of a girl
a girl who’d sent for a cab
for Charlie to ride in
for his soul to writhe in
as if he would wring himself
blood and all
for her and no one else

Charlie was breathing on the bench with the world
on his back and stuck in a lyric
“No there is no other one
I can’t have any other one
Though I would, now I never
could with one;” a cycle
of rivers flow into the sea
hung in the strings

Charlie was leaving his soul on a bench
for the girl who made him think
of the murdering sun,
of the blood that was wrung,
of the lyrics that won
him over in time
and the cab would leave him
as a stitch in time;
without yours, without mine.

Better get up on your run, Charlie.

sdiofjaeijfawpefmaksnfkansdf;akwjeaoiwaoiqhgrawfdasdfawefe

You know that feeling when you live inside
someone that you can't recognize?

I hate it.

(I Can't Do) What You Want

Sitting in a parking lot
so I can offer blood
now's the moment of truth...
but I can't do what you want me to do

I'm trying to be strong enough
I know that I am not the one you love
this is such a treacherous way to be new...
but I can't do what you want me to do

Damaged goods like a hardbound book
never read again and left again
Welcome to this England New
easily one thousand miles from what you drew

Tell the sirens I'll be fine
I'll recover in due time
You've taken half of every thing I ever knew...
but I can't do what you want me to do
no, I can't do what you want me to do

Damaged goods like a hardbound book
never read again and left again

09 / 24 / 09 - Everything looks perfect from far away

This blog is pointless. Don't read it.

I've had a Ben Gibbard song, "Such Great Heights," stuck in my head as of late. The song is actually an cover of Iron and Wine's acoustic cover of The Postal Service's original electronic rendition of the song, and which ever version you listen to I can't help but feel entranced and overwhelmed by the beauty in simplicity. I guess I've come to love musicians who share a mastery of such a stripped-down form of expression, acoustic guitar, and yet they can evoke such soulfulness in each fleeting melody and harmony with nothing but voice and string.

Anyway, it's the chorus that has really gotten to me, stuck thoroughly in my mind's ear. It goes:

"They will see us waving from such great heights / come down now, they'll say / Everything looks perfect from far away / come down now, but we'll stay..."

Now, the simplicity seems straightforward, and if you know Ben's writing it's all either very esoteric or otherwise quite clear and vivid. Naturally, one would think that the chorus says exactly what it should, and I suppose, in the context of the relatively uplifting song, it does: positive imagery of two co-eds on top of some grandiose natural or man-made monument, looking down upon people and realizing perfection in the bigger picture or the oneness in everything, comes to mind, at least for me. It's (subjectively) clear that, upon first listen, the lyric evokes a sense of positive complacency, almost as if the two have reached their peak and could not possibly get any lower, either physically or psychologically. Reaching a higher plane in this case is a good thing.

But what if it's a trick? What if you could see it another way? Upon multiple listenings and self-reflection, is there another way to see it when you consider just the chorus? What if the two reached said plane, and were instead observant of how disappointing it was to deal with things in detail? What if the two are people of power who look over those below them, screaming at the powerful to come down and join their plight, only to have the two deny them for luxury of being complacent with their heights?

It could be a statement about people, about how, though we strive for perfection or wants things in our lives (and our lives themselves, for that matter) to be perfect, we don't want to "come down" from our heights because, once up there, we cannot see clearly enough the dirt and grime, the rust of our very core. This rust, of course, is the fact that things we wanted and hoped for didn't quite turn out how we wanted it to, so we strive to rid of it or completely ignore it. Or is it that we are not altogether familiar with the minutiae of our lives, because we instead would rather live in ignorance and bliss? In this way the plane still represents complacency, but it is a bitter, pessimistic view of the heights, of our lives as we choose to know it. It is a proponent of the idea, or joke rather, that the only way to make God laugh is to make a plan. In this way, one should just live and turn a blind eye to our troubles.

I guess I'm asking, are we really so naive to think that our lives can be perfect? Difficulties are inevitable in the extreme, but is it really prudent, or even possible, to mold perfection out of fallible material?

Or, on the other hand, why do we justify being complacent with the things wrong in our lives or the unjust things that we encounter every day? Why must we see the problems in others but do nothing, either because we absolutely cannot or don't want to?

A stand must be taken.

I guess.

This blog is pointless. I hope you didn't read it.

Original Song Demo - "No Privacy"

Download a free track here. ***scroll down to the page bottom for the link; you have to wait about 20 seconds then click the Download button, then a window should pop up for the file***

I need your lips
compromising for your fingertips

No privacy
we can never find a place to be

The lawn is packed
I'm nearly coming through the front to back

But it's not a big
in my arms you'll find a place to live

I need your love
got a feeling that it's all I want

Lets find a tree
so we can find our own place to be

becoming
forgetting
forgiving
unwittingly
destroying
denying
our worries
will float away

Lets find a tree
so we can find our own place to be

I need your lips
when no one's looking it's okay to kiss

Love has its price

09 / 06 / 09 - Writing on the Prowl

This covers today and yesterday:

I've been writing a lot on the prowl, though I keep forgetting my pocket notebook. As a result a lot of self-texting to my phone has commenced, though to great avail. Ideas range from lyrics and riffs to entire verses and whole song concepts, one in particular being

"I'm tired of adopting generations before my own / they have to paperclip the mannequins accordingly so it fits / my shoes are no longer symmetrical / it's like living in a color scheme where hues and saturations scream to be."

I found music to go along with it later on yesterday, so I recorded and left it for further dev down the road, possibly tomorrow? And by the way, today, Sunday, was a no-go since mum had her birthday, so I'll leave it for now.

To tell the truth, I get the feeling that Death Cab is influencing me more than ever. I don't know, just the way that Ben Gibbard does his vocals, the way he writes, it just feels so vivid, though still human and passionate, yet controlled within a melody so calculated that it seems like nothing else could ever done better. That kind of attention to minutiae, in terms of the feelings evoked from the music and the music itself, is, I suppose, what I'd like to aspire to when I write. To feel, and make feel; to see, and make one see; to hear, but for the one moment your soul could catch fire and send a shiver down your spine so euphoric, so frightening, that it takes you out of your body and into the aether that is the music.

That is my goal.

Anyway, half-update/half-ramble done. More later on, see you on the other side of the night.

M

Sitting in Trees

All you girls in all your cities
would you tell me something about sitting in trees
with boys that love you but you don't love back
it says so on all of your magazine racks

and it takes so much as another boy coming
one that he knows has a better life coming
than I ever did, have, or will that's a promise
and bring me into night, so I'll forget all of this

-------------------------------------------------------------

All of these feelings onto me like your shrink
I stand so close to you I fear for the brink
She says that she'll call and she'll write sometime soon
But I know her better, she'll stay and she'll swoon

all without you and within you, whatever the day
You're there when she needs you but friends are both ways
I feel like i need to get paid for my services
just bring me into night, so I'll forget all of this

-------------------------------------------------------------

I get to your house and you're slurrin' your speech
and thousands and thousands will ask us to leave
i'll stay home to take care of you while I can
You're flying away, I'll be here when you land

It doesn't mean any less or any more lost
Like traffic on freeways, I need you to stop
there's no question you're good and you're nothing less than heart
but i can't follow you wherever you are

Like Benjamin said, I see you upside down
trouble is calling me down from the crowd
you're a God-fearing girl, but when you kiss
you bring me into night and I forget all of this